Game Show Network
by slick1969
Summary: Things get a little crazy when the JAG gang gets mixed up in some classic game shows. Enjoy! COMPLETE Chapter 9 - The Hollywood Squares. The whole crew gets an all-expenses paid trip to Hollywood!
1. The Match Game

**The Match Game**

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em.  Never have. Never will.

Summary:  Harm and Mac get a special assignment that gives them some ideas.  It's a bit of an alternate universe.  I know some of the folks in the panel are dead, but I couldn't bear to replace them.

**Friday Morning**

**JAG Headquarters**

Harm and Mac walked into the Admiral's office. "You wanted to see us, sir?" Harm asked.

"Yes, Commander, Colonel.  We've received an, um, invitation, for two officers to be panelists on a game show.  The Match Game PM, have you heard of it?" AJ looked at Harm.

"No, I haven't, sir.  But then, I don't watch much TV," Harm responded.

Mac stared at him.  "Never heard of the Match Game? It's my favorite game show!  I have my VCR set up to tape it so I won't miss it even when I'm away on assignments."

"I'm glad you think so, Colonel. I was thinking of sending you and the Commander here.  It would be good PR for the military in general and JAG in specific.  I've arranged for Commander Turner and Lieutenant Roberts to take care of your cases while you're gone."

"Sir, I don't think …" Harm began to protest, but was silenced by a look from Mac. "It sounds like a great idea.  When do we leave?"

"They'll be taping Monday, so your flight leaves Sunday afternoon. Your return flight is Tuesday evening. Have a great time." With that, the Admiral dismissed them.

**Monday Afternoon**

**Burbank****, ****California******

"Here we are." Mac put the car in park. "Come on, let's go."

"I don't know why I let you and the Admiral talk me into this," Harm moaned as they walked into the television studio.

Mac smiled at him. "Because it will be fun.  This is something I've always wanted to do."

They were greeted at the door by an intern. "Right on time.  If you'll follow me, we'll get you into make up and on the set."

"Last chance to back out, Mac," Harm's voice took on a wheedling tone. "How about dinner and a movie? I'll even pay."

"Not on your life, sailor," Mac countered.  She took him firmly by the arm and led him into the building.

"Get ready to match the stars!" The camera panned towards the panel. "Brett Somers, Charles Nelson Reilly, Fannie Flagg, Richard Dawson and special guest panelists Marine Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie and Navy Commander Harmon Rabb, as we play the star-studded, big money Match Game PM!  And now, here's the star of Match Game PM, Gene Rayburn!"

Harm cringed as the host made his entrance. _Hopefully I can get through this with a minimum of embarrassment_, he thought to himself. He looked over at Mac, who looked excited to be there.

"And let's meet our two contestants.  Jerry Anderson is a plumber from Long Beach, California.  How are you tonight, Jerry?"

"Great, Gene. I'm ready to play the game."

"Our other contestant is Sally Baxter, a computer programmer from Louisville, Colorado. And how are you my dear?" Gene leaned in towards the attractive young woman.

"Just fine, Gene."

"So are we ready to play?  Time for round one.  This question is for Jerry." Gene pulled out his cue card and read, "Tiny Tim said, 'My real name is Ralph Tim. I got the name Tiny in school when my teacher measured my **BLANK." The audience began laughing.**

The music started to play, the cue for the panel to write down their answers. Everyone was scribbling furiously.  Harm looked over at Mac, who had a mischievous grin on her face.  That gave him an evil idea.

"Time's up," Gene announced. He repeated the question and Jerry answered "guitar". Gene went to the panelists for their answers.  He had one match when they came to Harm. He held up his card, which read, "Feet." "And you know what they say about the size of a man's feet. Big feet … large … shoes." He looked at Mac significantly, and she blushed.

Mac was the next to show her answer. She had written down "Feet" as well. Gene ribbed her a little for that.  "Is there something you can tell us about the Commander?" Both she and Harm blushed now.

The next question was Sally's. "Wendy the Widow said, 'I want to treasure the memory of my husband forever – when he died, I cut off his **BLANK** and put it in a safe deposit box."

After the panel finished writing their answers, Gene asked for Sally's answer. She came up with "curly hair".  No one matched her.  When it was Harm's turn, he held up his card, which read "head". Mac's card had the same answer again. This time, the rest of the panel joined in the teasing.  Brett Somers wanted to know which head were they were thinking of.

Harm just smiled wickedly.  Mac was shooting him dirty looks.

Sally was eliminated and it was time for Super Match.  Jerry picked Mac, Harm and Richard.  The phrase was "**BLANK kiss."**

Richard's answer was "Hershey's". Mac had "French". Harm was slow to turn his card over. "What is it?" Gene asked him, taking the card. His eyes widened. "Well, you matched the Colonel at least." His card read "French".

Jerry went with Richard's answer, which won him $250.00.  He went on to the final round, where he lost on the one-on-one match with Brett Somers as his partner,

As the show closed, Gene said to Harm and Mac, "None of the contestants matched your answers, but you matched each other every time.  And those answers were more than a little … interesting.  Maybe you two should get a room somewhere…" As soon as the words left his mouth, Harm and Mac jumped up from their seats and ran out of the studio hand in hand.


	2. The Dating Game

**The Dating Game**

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. If I did, do you think I'd let them do THAT in the season finale? ;-)

Summary: Gunny goes on the Dating Game and meets some … interesting women. This does not take into account the events of the last three eps. In my world, Gunny has returned to JAG HQ after his time in Afghanistan.

**Television Studio**

**Burbank, CA**

"Have you seen the bachelor for today's game?" The makeup girls were talking.

"Gorgeous! But so serious."

"I'd find a way to make him smile." They all giggled at that.

"I wonder if he's killed anyone?" They stopped talking as Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez walked in and sat in a chair. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice the chatter had ceased when he entered.

Victor couldn't believe he was going on the Dating Game. The show's producers had wanted a Marine with recent combat experience to appear on the game. His former CO from Afghanistan had suggested him and the Admiral agreed to let him go. 

Still musing about the situation, the stage manager came in and explained the rules to him.

"You get to ask three questions," the young man said, "and each girl will have an opportunity to answer."

"Okay." 

"You'll be fine. Don't worry." One of the crew called the manager. He looked at his watch. "You've got about ten minutes before we call you. Let Jackie over there know if you need anything, water or sodas. Good luck."

Minutes later, the theme music started playing. "And here's the host, Chuck Woolery."

"Hello everybody. We have a special Dating Game salute to the military today. A genuine war hero, Marine Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez is our bachelor. And he will be selecting a date from three lovely ladies.

"Bachelorette Number One." The camera focused on a pretty redhead. "Scarlett Mathews is a school teacher from Pasadena.

"Bachelorette Number Two." A petite brunette. "Hailing from San Bernadino, Samantha Wolfe is a writer for the San Bernadino County Sun.

"And Bachelorette Number Three." The camera panned to a cute blonde. " Dr. Ashlyn Madison is a resident in the ER at UCLA Hospital."

"And now let's meet our bachelor. Marine Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez is currently stationed at JAG Headquarters. Before that, he served with distinction in Afghanistan. Victor was also a law enforcement officer in New Mexico between stints with the Marines."

As the audience applauded and cheered, Victor walked in and took his seat.

"Bachelorettes, say hello to Victor."

"Hello, Victor." "Hi Victor." "Hello, Victor."

"Hello, ladies." Victor managed to say without stuttering.

"I think we all know the rules of this game," Chuck said. "Victor will ask three questions. Each of you will get a chance to answer them. After we finish question-and-answer, we'll take a break, and Victor will decide who to go with. Are you ready, Victor?"

"Yes, sir." Victor was relieved that Chuck didn't snicker at his instinctive use of the word "sir". "What's your idea of a romantic evening?"

Scarlett answered first. "An evening spent with a man about whom I care deeply. What we do isn't as important as who I'm with."

Samantha said, "A candlelight dinner, a movie and whatever else might happen." The audience hooted at her suggestive tone.

"A midnight walk on the beach," was Ashlyn's answer.

"Okay, next question," Victor said. "If you were a color, which would you be and why?"

It was Samantha's turn. "Fire engine red, because I'm a firecracker."

Ashlyn answered, "Lavender, it's calm and relaxing."

"Green, the color of new life and hope," Scarlett said.

"And finally, what's your favorite fruit and why?" Victor asked his final question.

Ashlyn responded, "Coconuts, it's hard work to get them open, but worth the effort."

Samantha stated, "Oranges. Feeling the juices run down your chin is what summer is all about."

Scarlett paused before finally saying, "Red delicious apples. It may sound silly, but it reminds me of when I was growing up and visiting my grandmother's farm."

Chuck cut in at this time. "Thank you, bachelorettes. We'll take a quick commercial break while Victor makes his decision."

_Commercial break – for the new movie Pirates of the Caribbean featuring Trevor Goddard…_

"Welcome back," and Chuck walked up to Victor. "So, have you made your choice?"

"Yes, Chuck," he answered. "It was very difficult, but I have to pick Bachelorette Number One."

"Okay, Victor. Before we introduce you to your dream date, meet the girls you turned down." Chuck walked Samantha around the wall. "This is Samantha Wolfe." When they got next to Victor, Sam grabbed him by the head and planted a deep kiss on him. "Just wanted to show you what you were missing out on." As she walked off the stage, Victor had a dazed look on his face.

Chuck continued with the introductions. "This is Ashlyn Madison." They smiled at each other and shook hands. After she walked off the stage, Victor noticed she had slipped a piece of paper in his hand with her phone number on it – it read, _In case your date doesn't work out_… He shook his head and chuckled.

"And, now the bachelorette you have chosen , Scarlett Mathews." Finally, Scarlett came around the barrier. With one look at her, Victor was transfixed. He took her hand and shivered at the almost electric shock of that first contact. Scarlett's knees wobbled and she fell into the chair that was provided just in time.

"Wow," commented Chuck, "Looks like there are some sparks already between you two." Victor could only nod as the host began to describe the date. "You and your date will be going to Malibu. First, you'll be eating dinner at the exclusive Le Jardin restaurant. After dinner, you'll enjoy a show at the Los Angeles Civic Center – Blue Man Group. And then, a midnight horseback along the beach!" The audience clapped and cheered as Victor and Scarlett left the studio hand in hand, to begin their dream date.

**Le Jardin Restaurant**

**Malibu, California**

Victor and Scarlett walked into the restaurant. He held the chair out for her.

How sweet, Scarlett thought. Now that they were out of the studio, she had a chance to look closely at him. He was darkly handsome, but something sad lurked in his eyes. She wondered why that was.

"So, what age children do you teach?" Victor asked.

"Elementary – 5th grade,"Scarlett answered. She grew animated as she described her class. "You have to be on your toes with 11 year old boys sometimes, but they're really good kids for the most part."

Victor chuckled, "I remember when I was that age. I gave my teachers some pretty bad moments back then."

"That wasn't very nice," Scarlett teased. "I hope you apologized."

"Of course," Victor responded in the same vein.

Dinner passed quickly. Victor was surprised how well he and Scarlett got along. They got to talking about their families; Scarlett came from a tight-knit family as well.

Then it was time to go to the show. Victor didn't want to spoil the mood by going somewhere crowded.

"Do you mind if we have a little change of plan?" 

"What do you want to do?" Scarlett suppressed the feeling of disappointment. Well, she hoped he let her down nicely.

"Let's skip the concert and take the horseback ride on the beach. I just don't feel like being around crowds right now."

Scarlett let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "That would be nice." She looked at Victor, and saw the grin light up his face. "Very nice."

Fifteen minutes later they were on the beach, riding side by side. The sun was setting on the horizon, turning the water fiery orange. They stopped their horses and admired the beauty of nature.

"Want to walk?" Victor dismounted easily, and helped Scarlett from her horse. She stood in the circle of his strong arms, which lingered around her waist longer than absolutely necessary. They began to stroll along the beach, leading the horses behind them.

After the sun went down, Scarlett shivered in the cooler air. Victor noticed and put his jacket over her shoulders.

"Thank you, Victor,"she said, touched by his thoughtfulness. "Tell me something. Why did you go on that game show? "

Victor looked embarrassed. "My former CO from Afghanistan recommended me to the producers. And my current CO approved it. And since I'm not in a relationship with anyone …" 

A sad look crossed his face, erased as quickly as it appeared. Scarlett decided she would ask about that later, if there was a later.

"How about you?" Victor asked.

"One of my girlfriends put me up to it. She says I don't get out enough."

Victor chuckled. "My friends say the same about me."

All too soon it was time to take the horses back and to end the date. 

"I know this isn't part of the scripted date, but do you want to come back to my apartment for some coffee?" Scarlett asked.

Victor looked at Scarlett. He could tell this was not something she typically did. He felt a connection with this woman, something he hadn't felt since Fareeza.

"I would love to," he replied.

**Following Week**

**JAG Headquarters**

"Welcome back, Gunny," Tiner greeted him as he walked into the bullpen. "I watched the show, boy, you had a tough choice among those girls. How did the date go?"

Gunny just smiled.


	3. The Family Feud

**The Family Feud**  
  


Disclaimers: Still don't own them.  
  


Summary: The Roberts family goes to compete on the Family Feud. Question is, which family are they feuding with? ;-) I've taken a few creative liberties with some of the Feud rules, but not too much...  
  
**Monday Morning****  
JAG Headquarters**  
  


"Sir," Tiner stood in the Admiral's doorway. "Lieutenants Sims and Roberts are here to see you."  
  


"Send them in." Bud and Harriet walked into the Admiral's office and stood at attention.  
  


"You wanted to see us, sir?" Bud asked anxiously.  
  


"Yes. I've received a phone call from Goodman/Toddman Productions - the people who do The Family Feud. Seems they, along with every other game show out there, want to do a special focus on military. And they've heard about the Roberts family - a father, two sons and a daughter-in-law, all Navy."  
  


"They want us to be on the Feud, sir? On TV?" Bud was shocked.  
  


"Yes, they do. Will your father be available?" AJ smiled at the couple. "I think I can pull some strings at the Academy to cut your brother loose for a few days."  
  


Harriet found her voice. "Sir, that would be wonderful. When do they want us to go?"  
  


"Next week. So if you can wrap any outstanding cases Lieutenant Roberts, and if you'll prepare Tiner, Lieutenant Sims, I think you have a game show to start preparing for. Dismissed!"  
  


The couple saluted and left the office, excitedly making preparations for their Hollywood adventure.

**The Following Monday****  
Television Studio  
****Hollywood****, ****CA**  
  


"It's time for _The Family Feud_!" The announcer's voice boomed. "Introducing the Anderson family; Mark, Andrew, Doug and Tom, ready for action!" The door opened to reveal a family dressed in Army uniforms, two younger men and two older men.  
  


"And the Roberts family; Bud, Bud, Harriet and Mikey, on your marks!" The door slid over and showed the Roberts family sitting, glaring at each other.  
  


"Let's start _The Family Feud_! With the star of _Family Feud_, Richard Dawson." The host smiled as he jogged onto the stage. The families each took their places and Big Bud went to the center to face off against the head of the Anderson family, Mark..  
  


Richard read the question, "Name something you do first thing in the morning." Mark was quicker on the buzzer and gave his answer. "Brush my teeth." Richard repeated the answer, and it showed up as number three on the board. The host turned to Big Bud, to give the Roberts family the opportunity to beat the Anderson's answer.  
  


Big Bud grinned and said, "Sit on the crapper." Harriet gasped, mortified.   
  


Richard Dawson laughed. "Show me … Toilet!" His answer was the number one answer, surprisingly.  
  


Big Bud walked back to his side. When he got there, Harriet punched him in the shoulder. "Ow!" he yelled. "It's what _I_ do when I get up." Mikey and Bud just shook their heads.  
  


Bud was the next to guess an answer and was very nervous. "Sleep."  
  


Richard cocked an eyebrow at him. "Sleep?" It didn't show up on the board – the Roberts had one strike against. Two more and the Andersons would have the chance to steal their points.  
  


Richard came to Harriet. He leaned in for his traditional kiss. Harriet grabbed him around the neck and planted a big one on his lips.   
  


She blushed prettily. "I'm so sorry, Richard."  
  


"No apology needed, Harriet. It's nice to be kissed by a woman in uniform," and he winked at her. "So … name something you do first thing in the morning."  
  


"Get dressed?"  
  


"Survey says … Yes!" It was the number two answer.  
  


Mikey also matched an answer with the survey and the Roberts cleared the board.  
  


_Commercial break – Hey, look, Commander Mattoni is selling Select Comfort mattresses! _;-)

_After the commercial break..._  
  


The game continued through its second round. The Roberts family was in the lead at the end, though not without a few moments of tension between Harriet and Big Bud. His answers were invariably loaded with double meanings or crude expressions. Amazingly, his answers most often matched what the survey rated as the top response.  
  


It was on to the final round. Big Bud and Harriet decided to represent the family. Harriet went first; Big Bud went into the soundproof booth.  
  


"Name something that floats in the bath." "Rubber ducky."  
  


"Name a non living object with legs." "Table."  
  


"Name something a cat does." "Purrs."  
  


"Name something you do in the bathroom." "Take a shower."  
  


"Name something you wear to the beach." "Hat."  
  


"Thank you, Harriet. Let's see how many points you got." She ended up with 95 points. The board was cleared of everything except the points and Big Bud came out.  
  


"Bud, you need to get 105 points to win the round. Are you ready?"  
  


"Yes. Let's go."  
  


"Name something that floats in the bath." "Bubbles." He grinned as he said that. Off-camera, Harriet began fuming.  
  


"Name a non living object with legs." "Chair."  
  


"Name something that a cat does." "Meows."  
  


"Name something you do in the bathroom." "Read, if you know what I mean." He winked at the audience.  
  


"Name something you wear to the beach." "For all those lovely ladies, a skimpy bikini." By this point, Bud and Mikey were holding Harriet back. Her face was red.  
  


The buzzer sounded and Richard and Big Bud turned around to see how he scored. His answers were enough to get them the big money.  
  


"Harriet, we've won!" Bud yelled. "I can't believe it!" They ran over to Big Bud and everyone began hugging. Everyone except Harriet. She cocked her fist and punched Big Bud. He shook his head, dazed.  
  


"That was for those answers," Harriet said. Her anger spent, she smiled at him, "but I'm glad we won."  
  


Richard commented to the audience, "Well, this is certainly the strangest way of celebration I've ever seen. It must be some Navy thing."  
  


And the camera faded to commercial.


	4. Win, Lose or Draw

**Win, Lose or Draw!**

Disclaimers: I don't own the characters or the show, please please please don't sue me. I also don't own the other celebrities I included, although I wish Mark Valley was my personal slave...heehee.

Summary: The game show hijinks continue as Sturgis and Bobbie Latham go on Win Lose or Draw, and find out how well they can interpret each other! 

**Wednesday Midday**

**JAG Headquarters**

"Are you ready for lunch, Sturgis?" Bobbie said as she breezed into his office.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "I really need a break right about now."

They left the building arm in arm. Bobbie drove them to a quiet Italian cafe.

"So when was the last time you took an actual vacation, Sturgis?" Bobbie asked over their salads.

He paused to think. "Probably right before I came to JAG. Why?"

"Just as I suspected. You, like all the rest of the people at that place, are workaholics." She wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"And you propose to do something about that?" Sturgis grinned at Bobbie.

"Well, not for your co-workers, but for you. For us." She smiled slowly, wickedly.

"When you get that look on your face, I start getting shivers up my spine."

"Don't you worry about anything." She finished her salad. "Let's go back. I have a meeting with the Admiral."

"Now I'm really beginning to get scared," Sturgis joked as they paid the bill and left the restaurant.

Back at JAG Headquarters, Bobbie disappeared into the Admiral's office. Just when Sturgis was wondering what exactly she was planning, Tiner appeared in his doorway.

"The Admiral would like to see you now, sir."

"Thanks, Tiner." He followed him into the office. 

"Sir?"

The Admiral looked up. "Have a seat, Commander Turner."

He took the chair next to Bobbie.

"Congresswoman Latham has reminded me you have yet to take a vacation, and you've been with us for nearly two years. Effective Friday afternoon, you're on leave. I don't want to see you back here for two weeks."

Sturgis was dumbfounded. "But, sir? What about my cases?"

"Commander Rabb and Lieutenant Roberts will handle them." He smiled at Bobbie and Sturgis. "Enjoy your leave."

They left the Admiral's office.

"So what do you have planned for our big vacation, Bobbie?"

She winked at him. "How do you feel about a trip to Hollywood?"

**Saturday Morning**

**Bobbie's Apartment**

Bobbie heard the knock and opened the door. Sturgis stood in her doorway, suitcase in hand.

"Don't act like you're on your way to Death Row." She smacked him playfully. "Come on in, we've got fifteen minutes before the car will be here to take us to the airport." She headed back to the bedroom to finish packing.

Before long, the car had arrived, and their vacation began.

"So, Bobbie," Sturgis turned toward her, "Why a game show?"

"I thought it would be a fun bonding experience for us," she explained. "And, believe it or not, we're classified as 'celebrities.'"

Sturgis laughed. "Really?" They continued joking through check-in at the airport and on their flight to California.

**Monday Morning**

**Television Studio, Hollywood, California**

After a day and a half of sightseeing, Bobbie and Sturgis were ready to begin their game show adventure. They arrived at the studio and went through make up. Finally, they were ready to go out on stage.

The announcer introduced the host, Bert Convy, and the celebrities and contestants came out. Bert walked over to Bobbie and Sturgis and asked them to tell a little bit about themselves.

"I'm Bobbie Latham, Congresswoman from the great state of Michigan." She smiled at the cheers from Michigan natives in the studio audience.

Now it was Sturgis' turn. "I'm Sturgis Turner, a Commander with the Navy's JAG Corps. Before that, I served on submarines."

They were paired with a young woman from Dallas, Texas. Their celebrity opponents were Rudy Boesch from Survivor and Mark Valley, an actor who also was a West Point graduate. Their "civilian" contestant was a man from Arkansas.

Bobbie and Sturgis' team went first. They decided to have Bobbie draw first. She walked up to the white board. Bert handed her the card with the phrase her teammates had to guess. Her eyes widened as she read, "Strange Bedfellows". How was she going to draw this?

Then she smiled as she got an idea. She started drawing, and her teammates began tossing out guesses.

"Square." "Square peg." "Bed."

She started adding to the bed sketch. First she drew a man and a woman.

"Lovers." "Sleeping with the enemy."

Time was running out. She added a few more details to the drawing, a Marine hat on the woman and a Navy hat and wings on the man.

Sturgis shouted, "Strange bedfellows!"

Bert Convy looked surprised. "That's right, how did you get that correct."

Sturgis tried to think of an answer that wouldn't expose his colleagues. Bobbie came to his rescue.

"You know the rivalry between Navy and Marines, don't you, Burt? So the last thing you'd expect would be to see Marines and Navy in bed together."

"Ahhh, I see." Bert didn't sound entirely convinced. "Anyway, now it's time for Rudy's team to go."

They decided to let Mark do the drawing. He strolled up to the board. He looked at the card and began sketching.

The guesses flew, but no one got it right. When time expired, Bobbie and Sturgis' team had a chance to guess and they got it right. Mark had drawn a beach chair with a whale sitting on it. "Beached whale."

"We're going to break for a commercial," Bert Convy said, "When we return, one more round and then on the final round."

_Watch Navel CIS this fall on CBS. See investigators solve crimes using the contents of people's bellybuttons! Only on CBS!_

"And welcome back to Win, Lose or Draw," the announcer said.

"Currently, Bobbie Latham's team is in the lead with $300," Bert Convy said, "but it's still anyone's game. Mark, since your team is behind, you get to go first in this round."

They decided to let Rudy draw this time. He got up there and began to sketch. First he drew a four-leaf clover and his teammates began blurting guesses.

"Shamrock." "Blarney." "Luck of the Irish."

He shook his head and kept drawing. He drew a rear view of a person, obviously nude. They kept guessing, but still didn't get it. Finally, he drew arrows behind the naked person, making it look as if it were moving.

Mark got it at last. "Lucky streak!"

Everyone had a good laugh at that one.

Bert turned to Bobbie. "It's down to you now. If you get it correct, then you move on to the final round. If the other team guesses it, we'll have a tiebreaker. Who's going to draw this time?"

"I will." Sturgis stood up and walked to the board. Bert handed him the card with the phrase he needed to express in pictures. He nearly laughed when he read it. "Sub zero."

He started drawing right away, quickly outlining a submarine on the board. "Submarine." "Alec Baldwin." That came from Bobbie.

He continued sketching, now adding icicles to the submarine. "Cold sub?" The time was ticking down to when the other team would get a guess. He kept circling the icicles, emphasizing them.

Their civilian teammate got the answer right before time expired. "Sub zero!"

"Good job, and with that, your team advances to the final round."

In the final round, one player had to draw as many pictures in 90 seconds. For each correctly guessed phrase, the contestant would receive $1,000. Their teammate, Susan, got up to start drawing. In the ninety second time limit, they were able to get five correct, winning her $5,000.

After the show, Bobbie and Sturgis left the studio.

"Did you have fun?" Bobbie asked.

"Actually, I did." Sturgis responded.

"But you're ready for the rest of the vacation to begin?"

Sturgis said, "Well … yes."

"So I'm guessing you don't want to try to get tickets for _The Price is Right_, then?" she teased.

"No!!" 


	5. The Newylwed Game

The Newlywed Game 

Disclaimer:  Unfortunately, I haven't won the lottery yet, so I still don't own them. 

Summary:  Part 5 of the Game Show Network series.  In this one, AJ and Meredith share in the ongoing insanity.  The lovebirds go on The Newlywed Game, but will the marriage be over before the game is?

Friday Afternoon JAG Headquarters 

Admiral AJ Chegwidden paced in his office.  Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie sat in the chairs opposite his desk.  They were furiously taking notes as he threw out orders and assignments.  

"Rabb, you and Roberts will work on the budget numbers.  When I get back, I expect to have something to review.  Have Commander Turner take the Grey investigation down in Norfolk.  He can take Petty Officer Coates with him – he'll need someone with him to help."

"Is there anything else, sir?" Mac asked.

"Yes," he sighed. "Shoot me in the head for agreeing to this ridiculous idea of Meredith's."

"Sir?" Harm looked at his commanding officer in disbelief.

"Never mind. My flight leaves tonight at 8:00 pm, and you both have my cell phone number in case of emergency."

"Sir, what about Dammit?"

"Tiner will be taking care of her." His phone buzzed and he picked it up. "Chegwidden." He paused to listen. "Send her in, Tiner.  Thanks." He hung up.

"We're done here, and Meredith has arrived, so-" he was interrupted by Meredith entering.

"Hello, dear," she walked up and kissed him soundly. "Are you ready to go?"

"As soon as I dismiss the Colonel and the Commander," he said pointedly, but with a smile on his face.  They took his hint, saluted and left his office, trying not to laugh at the scene they had just witnessed.

"Isn't it exciting, AJ? We're going to be on national television!"

_Exciting isn't exactly the word I'd use to describe this. More like stressful_, he thought to himself. Out loud, however, he simply agreed with his ecstatic wife.

"Well, let's get going. We've got a plane to catch!"

Monday Morning Television Studio, Burbank, California 

"Sir," the makeup artist was trying to explain to an irate AJ Chegwidden, "We're going to have to put some powder on your head.  Otherwise, the glare will show up on camera."

"Of all the goddam silly things," he swore. "Meredith, I hope you really are enjoying all the suffering I'm going through for you." He threw that comment towards the other makeup chair, where Meredith was trying to look inconspicuous, while holding back her laughter.

"Sir, no one will even notice. Trust me."

Meredith decided to speak up. "AJ, it will be fine. Stop making a fuss and let her do her job." At those words, AJ finally subsided, and the makeup artist threw her a relieved look.

"Twenty minutes until we start," another staff member shouted into the room.

"That's your cue to get on set," the makeup artist told them.  AJ and Meredith made their way to the set.

The familiar theme music swelled as Bob Eubanks strode out onto the stage to the applause of the studio audience. He began to introduce the four couples.  Meredith and AJ were the last.

"And  finally, we have Admiral AJ Chegwidden, the Judge Advocate General and his lovely wife, Meredith Cavanaugh, a professor of Shakespeare. How long have you been married?"

Meredith answered for both of them. "Just about two months.  And the engagement almost didn't happen, Bob."

Bob lifted an eyebrow as the audience and their fellow contestants laughed. "How?"

"His attempt to propose could be accurately called a comedy of errors.  What could go wrong, did.  Up to and including the dog eating the ring." The audience roared with laughter and AJ started shaking his head.  There was nowhere for him to hide.

"Well, on with the game. The wives will go to the soundproof room, while your husbands will answer a few questions about you."

The women left the stage, and Bob proceeded to ask the questions.  AJ had been through debriefing sessions that were less nerve-racking than trying to anticipate what Meredith's answers were going to be.  After a brief break, they brought the wives back out.

"Ladies, you all know how the game goes. You will earn five points for each answer that matches your husband's."

The first question was pretty innocuous, and Meredith matched AJ's answer, along with two of the other wives.  The next one was a bit tougher.  "Where is the weirdest place you've ever made whoopee?" She paused to think, and then answered, "On his yeoman's desk." 

AJ turned beet red. "Meredith!" he shouted, then got himself back under control. "I thought that was 'classified' information." He held up his placard, which read "Hot tub in the back yard."

"Looks like you two didn't match there," the host commented. "And I think there's another story behind your answer, but I don't think the censors would allow us to tell it …"

They finished up the first round, with AJ and Meredith tied for first with one other couple.  AJ left for the soundproof room, praying that the humiliation was over.  He was mistaken.  After a little while they came back out, ready to match answers with their wives.

The first question was a softball – "Do you sleep with your toes pointing toward the ceiling, the floor or the wall?" AJ and Meredith matched on that – wall.  Then came the kind of question he had been dreading.

"What is your husband's one hidden talent?" AJ hid his head in his hands.  When Bob came to him, he looked around, desperate for some natural disaster to strike to save him.  None came.

"AJ?" Bob asked.

"Belly dance," he whispered.

"What was that – I couldn't hear you," Bob said.

"Belly dance." AJ couldn't believe he was saying it.

Meredith beamed as she flipped her card up – she had "belly dance" too.

"Care to give us a demonstration, AJ?" Bob commented and the audience began chanting "AJ! AJ! AJ!" Meredith elbowed him in the ribs and hissed in his ear, "Go on up there. They won't stop until you do."

Now really red  in the face, AJ reluctantly got up and began a slow, bump-and-grind movement of his hips that had the ladies in the audience  screaming. He began to get into it, speeding up his gyrations, until Meredith pulled him back down beside her. "That's enough, dear. You can continue that later, for me."

After the end of the second round,  Meredith and AJ were in second place.  They matched answers in the third round, but lost to a young couple from Missouri, who jumped up and down in excitement as the announcer described their prize – a sectional sofa and matching end tables.

**Thursday Afternoon**

**JAG Headquarters**

AJ walked into the bullpen.  The show had aired last night, and was as horrible as he had feared.  

As he headed towards his office, he found his way blocked by workmen.   He saw Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie.

"What's going on here?" he demanded.  "You didn't put holes in the ceiling again, did you, Rabb?"

Rabb hid a smile as he shook his head no.  Colonel MacKenzie replied, "This morning, Tiner requested a new desk.  I thought it prudent to approve his request, sir."


	6. Jeopardy!

**Jeopardy!******

Disclaimer: Not my property. But I can dream, can't I?

Summary: Not even Clayton Webb is safe from the lunacy that has struck my JAG universe.  Everyone's favorite spy makes an appearance on Jeopardy and Hollywood will never be the same.

**Sunday Morning**

**Great Falls****, ****Virginia******

"Clayton, _why are you doing this?" Porter's tea cup clinked in its saucer as she set it down. She had a slightly exasperated look on her face._

"Mother, it's an assignment," Webb calmly replied. "The daughter of one of the delegation from Cameroon is going on the show, and State thought it would be a wise decision to assign additional protection, since she will be on national television."

His mother sighed. "At least protecting a diplomat's daughter is better than that awful assignment in  Suriname."

"Yes, Mother, it is.  And besides, it might prove to be interesting." He looked at his watch. "I need to leave now.  My plane leaves at eight o'clock tonight." He walked over to his mother's chair and kissed her on the cheek. "Wish me luck."

She responded, "You're a Webb. You don't need luck."

**Later That Evening**

**LAX Airport, ****California******

Webb picked his suitcase up from baggage claim, all the while keeping a discreet eye on the diplomat's daughter, Uba, whose luggage was in the next carousel over from him.  She had an official bodyguard; Webb's role was an undercover one.

Uba was a striking woman.  She was nearly as tall as he was, with flawless coffee-colored skin.  According to the background information he had read, she had been offered a job as a model.  He was not surprised.

Uba and her attendant bodyguard had gathered all of her luggage and were whisked off in a limousine.  Webb followed behind them in a taxicab - the company had arranged for him to stay at the same hotel as Uba.

He got checked into his room and waited for the bodyguard to come by so they could coordinate tomorrow's activities.  The taping of the game show did not start until 3:00 pm, and their charge wanted to do some sightseeing before then.  Webb sighed.  Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

**Monday Afternoon**

**Los Angeles****, ****California******

Webb walked into the studio.  Uba was already there and was waiting to go into makeup.  She walked over to him and shook his hand.

"Hello, I am Uba Mtumbi, and you are?" she asked, her accent making the words sound exotic and beautiful.

He responded, "I'm Walt Cobbney.  Glad to meet you," using his alias for this assignment.  "You're here to be on Jeopardy too?"

"I am.  Father wasn't terribly pleased, but I got my way." She chuckled.

He laughed along with her. "My mother felt the same way. So what do you do when you're not overruling your father?"

"Not as much as I'd like. Father tends to be overprotective.  Most of the time I assist with translation for visiting dignitaries.  And you?"

Webb went into his rehearsed identity. "I work for the government. Claims processing for the Department of Veterans Affairs." He gritted his teeth.  Why couldn't they have given him a more interesting cover job?

"That sounds ... interesting, Walt." Webb could tell Uba was simply being polite.  It was time for them to go to makeup and get prepared for the game. "It was nice to meet you, Walt. Good luck." They both got up and went to their respective makeup areas.

Minutes later, they were on stage.  The theme song was playing and Alex Trebek came out on stage.

"Good evening, everyone, and welcome to tonight's edition of Jeopardy." The three contestants, Uba, Webb, and a third person, Eric, stood at their podiums.

"Uba, Walt and Eric, are you ready? Let's get started."

Alex Trebek read off the categories for the first round, "Starts with 'M'." "Ancient Rome." "Rulers." "World Geography." "Hodge Podge."

Uba had won the draw to select the first category. "Alex, I'd like 'Starts with M' for $100, please."

Alex read the 'answer.' "This computer software company was founded in late 1975, and is now the largest software company in the world."

Webb was the first to buzz in. "What is Microsoft?"

"Correct." And like that, he was in the lead.  The game was a close match between Uba and Webb.  She swept the "Ancient Rome" category, and they split on "Rulers." He was irritated that she had beaten him to buzz  in with the correct answer to the final answer in that category. "He is the acting President of Nauru after the death of President Dowiyogo." The answer, of course, was "President Gioura."

The last category left on the board was World Geography.  Uba selected the top dollar answer in this section, since the round was nearly over. Alex read the answer. "This small French dependent is directly north of Brazil."

Webb buzzed in. "What is Guyane?" using the local name without thinking.

"I'm sorry Walt, that is incorrect."  Before anyone else had a chance to buzz in, Webb retorted, "I'm sorry, Alex, but it is you that is incorrect. Guyane _is_ another name for French Guiana.  Check with your judges."

Alex looked annoyed, but paused as he looked out to where the judges were. "I stand corrected, Walt. How did you know that?"

Oops.  He was supposed to be a claims processor for the VA. "I dated a girl in college who was from there.  She always called it that, and I picked up the habit." He knew it was a lame excuse, but he hadn't expected to be tripped up by a game show host, of all things.

Alex seemed to accept his explanation. "Go ahead and select again." Just then the "out of time" beeps sounded. "I'm sorry we're out of time. After a short break, we'll be back with Double Jeopardy." After finishing, he stalked off the stage, and they could hear cursing as he did.

Uba leaned over toward Webb. "You know, he doesn't like it when contestants question his knowledge."

Webb chuckled nervously. "Thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep that in mind."

"You know, for a guy with a desk job, you seem to know a lot." Uba sounded admiring.

"Well, I do have a lot of down time, so I spend a lot of time reading."

She smiled at him. "I have the same problem.  An overabundance of idle time, and the embassy has a large library."

The break was over and Double Jeopardy began.  Alex again read off categories. "Hollywood Stars." "Books and Authors." "Odds and Ends." "Word Origins." "Class Trip to Washington."

"Since you had the last correct answer, Walt, you get to select again."

"I'll take 'Word Origins' for $200, Alex."

"The Latin root of this word means to sustain."

Uba buzzed and guessed, "What is nutrition?" "That is correct."

They went through this round without any incidents.  At the end, Uba was in the lead with $3200, and Webb had $3000.  Eric, the third contestant, ended the game in negative territory, so did not compete in Final Jeopardy.

The category for Final Jeopardy was "Imports and Exports." After a short time for the contestants to write down their wagers, the answer was displayed on the monitors. "This is the top export from the country of Suriname."

Webb couldn't believe his luck at getting such an easy question.  He quickly wrote his answer down and waited for time to expire.  Uba was having a more difficult time, and wrote her answer in right at the end.

Alex asked for their answers.  Uba went first.  "What is coffee?" was what she had written down.

"That is incorrect, Uba. How much did you wager?"  The monitor revealed she had bet just $199.  If Webb did not get the question correct, or had bet $0, she would win.

"Walt, what is your answer?"

He had written, "What is alumina?" 

"I'm sorry, Walt, the correct response would have been 'What is bauxite?' How much did you wager?"

"Wait a minute, Alex, alumina is the correct answer.  Bauxite is the raw material from which alumina is manufactured."

"I've just about had enough of you!" Alex exploded. "Who are you to think that you know more than our research experts?  You're a lowly desk jockey for the government!"

Webb said with his teeth clenched, "You don't have the clearance for that information."

"Really?" Alex taunted him. "You could tell me, but then you'd have to kill me?"

"Don't tempt me," Webb muttered under his breath.  He realized he needed to do something to keep what was left of his cover intact.  "Have your researchers go to this web page," and he scribbled it down on a piece of paper. "This is a web page that anyone, including you, can go to and see what Suriname's exports are."

Alex turned red and looked as he were on the verge of cardiac arrest.  However, he did give the paper to one of his assistants and had them check, confident that he would be proven correct.  The young assistant returned and, looking somewhat scared, whispered in Alex's ear.

"That can't possibly be!" Regaining his composure, he turned back to the contestants.  "After careful consideration, our judges have determined that Walt's answer is correct.  And with your wager of $201, that gives you a total of $3201 and you are tonight's winner. Congratulations."

The show was ending and instead of standing and talking to the winner as he usually did, Alex left the stage, and Webb was standing there, feeling somewhat foolish.  Uba walked over to him.

"Congratulations, Mr. Cobbney.  Or is that your real name?" she asked.

He stared at her blankly.

"My father asked for extra protection, did he not?" She pressed on. "You know far too much to be a medical benefits processor."

The other bodyguard joined them, laughing at the expression on Webb's face. "Webb, they should have known better than to put you on this assignment. It's going to take some serious editing before anyone lets this show air, both on State's part and Alex's.  You sure made Trebek look like an ass."

"Ahhh, so your name is Webb, is it?  And you work for State?" She seemed amused by his deception, rather than angry. "That fits your personality much better than Veterans Affairs.  Since you're no longer undercover, perhaps you would like to come with us to dinner."

Webb didn't know how to respond for a moment. "Sure.  That would be, uh, nice." All three walked out of the studio.

The End. 

Note:

All of the trivia in here is accurate.  The Nauru, French Guiana and Suriname answers I got from the CIA factbook web page - .  Very interesting page.  The other stuff came from random web surfing, including on the Jeopardy site.


	7. The Password Is

The Password Is … 

Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to somebody else, blah blah blah.

Summary: JAG's newest cast member goes on the classic game show Password, and then the hijinks begin!

Monday Afternoon JAG Headquarters 

"Good luck, Jennifer. And most important, have fun." Jason Tiner was talking to Jennifer as she packed up her stuff for the day.

"I just hope I don't get stage fright." 

Just then Admiral Chegwidden walked towards the pair. "Petty Officer, I'm certain you'll represent JAG very well. When do you leave?"

"Thank you for the encouragement, sir. I fly out tonight, sir, on the red eye. "

AJ nodded and said, "I won't keep you any longer then. Good luck."

Tuesday Morning 

**Hollywood, CA**

Jennifer had gotten up early; she was too excited to sleep. Besides, her body was still on East Coast time. She was able do a little sightseeing before she had to be at the studio.   
  


She even got Jason some souvenirs, as a thank-you for taking her to the airport the night before. He had been so sweet to do that. She was smiling as she walked into the studio.

"Good to see a contestant so happy," the makeup artist commented.

"What do you mean?" Jennifer asked.

"Usually, they're nervous, and forget to relax and enjoy themselves."

Jennifer replied, "I guess being in the Navy prepared me for stressful situations. So can you tell me who the celebrity guests are?"

"Some old-time actors. I can't remember their names, though." She finished getting Jennifer ready. "It's time for you to go on now. Good luck!"  
  


"Thanks!" Jennifer responded as she walked to her seat. The stage manager explained to both contestants how to play the game. 

"There are five passwords in a password puzzle. Your partner will give you one word to guess the password. If you get the password, you will have the opportunity to solve the puzzle. The first two puzzle rounds are worth $100 each. The rest are worth $200. The first team to reach $300 will go on to the "Alphabetics" round, where you have the chance to guess ten words in alphabetical order. Are there any questions?"

They both shook their heads. Then the lights dimmed and the music started – the show was about to begin.

"It's more than _Password_, it's _Password_ _Plus_, with your host, Tom Kennedy." The smiling, bespectacled host jogged out onto the stage. "And our celebrity guests – you know him from the hit TV series _Black Sheep Squadron_, it's WK Stratton." The camera focused on him. "And from television and film, we also have Jeff MacKay with us."

The announcer continued, "Our first contestant is a Petty Office in the Navy, stationed in Virginia. Say hello to Jennifer Coates. And our other contestant is a schoolteacher from Missouri, welcome Alan Dell."

Tom Kennedy greeted the celebrities and contestants. "Let's get started."

The puzzle appeared on the board, and the celebrities received the cards with the "passwords" on them. Jennifer was paired with WK Stratton, and Alan with Jeff. Jennifer and WK had the first chance at the password.

"Investigator …"

"Detective." She had gotten it right, but wasn't able to guess the puzzle. 

It was Alan's turn, and he correctly guessed his password, which was "Television." He guessed, "Columbo", which was wrong. Play returned to Jennifer / WK. He gave a clue for the next password.

"Paradise…"

"Hotel?" That wasn't the password, so Alan had a chance at it. Jeff MacKay gave a clue of "Tropical," and he guessed "Fiji?" which also was wrong.

WK tried another clue. "Island."

This time Jennifer got it. "Hawaii." She had three clues – "Investigator," "Television," and "Hawaii."

"I'll guess 'Magnum'?" She got the puzzle correct.

In the second round, Alan and Jeff got to start it off and got the password and puzzle with their first guess.

After the second round, they switched celebrity partners and now Jennifer was paired with Jeff MacKay. It was their turn to start the guessing. 

Jeff gave her the first clue. "Scientist."

Jennifer missed, as did Alan, and then Jennifer again. The host said, "After three incorrect guesses, we put the password on the board and no one gets to guess." The password was "Physicist."

The next password, which Alan missed and Jennifer got right, was "Time Travel."

She guessed, "Quantum Leap?"

"You got it right, and that means you're the winner and will go on to "Alphabetics." Let's go!" Tom Kennedy exclaimed. "You'll be guessing words from A to J in 60 seconds. You'll get $100 for each correct answer, and $5,000 if you get all 10 right."

The timer started and Jeff began throwing clues.

"Monkey." "Ape."

"Margarine." "Butter."

"Machine." "Car." She got it wrong.

"Fido." "Dog."

At the end of it, she got all but one right, earning her an additional $900, bringing her winnings to $1,200.

"Congratulations, Jennifer. What are you going to do with the money you've won?" Tom Kennedy asked her.

"Not sure – maybe I'll give myself a little vacation. I could sure use one."

**Thursday Evening**

Dulles Airport, Virginia 

Jason was waiting for her at baggage claim. "How did it go?" he asked, hugging her.

"Great. You'll have to watch to see how I did. I can tell you, though, I had a lot of fun. There was just one or two weird things…" her voice trailed off.

"What?"

"Well, you won't believe me, but the two celebrities? One was a dead ringer for Commander Lindsay, and the other?"

"Yes?"

"He looked an awful lot like Lt. Roberts' father."

"That _is_ bizarre."

The End.


	8. Star Search!

Star Search! 

Disclaimer: The JAG folks still belong to the great and glorious DPB, not to little ol' me. And I don't own Arsenio Hall either. I've also taken a few creative liberties with the application / entry process for Star Search. That's why it's called "fiction", right? ;)

Summary: Tiner gets an opportunity to show off his singing abilities on Star Search, and of course everyone has their own ideas on what he should sing.

Monday Afternoon JAG Headquarters 

"I got in!" Petty Officer Jason Tiner exclaimed. 

Lt. Bud Roberts was passing by and asked, "Law school?"

"No, sir. _Star Search_!"

"For what category?" Bud couldn't picture Tiner doing a comedy routine, or dancing.

"Singing, sir." Tiner had a big grin on his face. "Now I just have to figure out what to sing."

Bud was surprised. "You entered a contest without knowing what you were going to do? Didn't you have to do some sort of audition?"

"No, I just sent in an application and a sample tape of me singing. But my song for the show has to be really amazing, sir. And I have two weeks to come up with it."

It was amazing how quickly the news about his _Star Search_ appearance spread throughout the bullpen. And he was getting plenty of suggestions for songs, whether he asked for them or not.

Meredith Cavanaugh had stopped by to meet the Admiral for lunch. Her idea: "Why don't you sing something from _The Barber of Seville_? Nobody sings opera anymore."

_There's probably a reason for that_, he thought to himself. "Thanks, ma'am. I'll keep that in mind." No way was he singing opera.

Harriet came by. "Bud tells me you're going on _Star Search_. Good luck."

"Thanks, ma'am. I just don't want to embarrass myself or JAG."

"Have you thought about singing a country song? I just love _Friends in Low Places_ by Garth Brooks. You'd look great in a cowboy hat and boots, too!"

Tiner barely held back his laughter. "Ummm, maybe, ma'am." Just then, Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie walked up to his desk.

"The Admiral wanted to see us, Tiner."

"He's on the phone right now, but should be off in just a couple minutes."

While they waited, both Harm and Mac gave Jason suggestions for his song.

"I've always been partial to James Taylor. How about _Fire and Rain_?"

Mac elbowed Harm, hard. "Only if he wants the judges to fall asleep. I say rock the audience. Do something like _You Shook Me All Night Long_, by AC/DC."

"I've vaguely heard of James Taylor, but who's AC/DC, ma'am?" Tiner asked.

Mac just shook her head, while Harm chuckled. "Never mind, just let me throw myself off the building. I didn't realize I was so old."

Tiner stuttered, "I didn't mean, ma'am, um …" His face turned red.

"It's okay, Tiner," Harm rescued him. "She's just picking on you."

Fortunately, the Admiral's phone light went out. "The Admiral's off the phone now, so you can go in." After they did, he held his head in his hands. How was he going to survive this for two weeks?

Friday Evening 

**Benzinger's Pub**

"So what do you think I should sing?" Jason asked Jennifer Coates. He had invited her to dinner, seeing her still at JAG when he was leaving that night. All week, everyone had weighed in with their opinions on what he should do. Even though Gunny was away on an assignment, he had e-mailed the lyrics to an Alan Jackson song, _Chattahoochee_ to Jason.

"You should do whatever you feel comfortable doing, Jason," she replied. "You won't have a chance of winning if you don't _feel_ the song in your bones."

"You're right. I think I know what I'm going to sing." 

"Are you going to share?"

"No. I want it to be a surprise for everyone. You'll see soon enough." He smiled as he paid the bill and the pair left.

The Following Friday Evening Roberts' House 

Tonight was the big night. Tiner was going to be on _Star Search_. Bud and Harriet decided to invite everyone over to watch at their house. Sturgis was the first to arrive, bringing Bobbie Latham with him.

"Thanks for inviting me, Bud, Harriet," Bobbie said. "Isn't it exciting, seeing one of your own on television? What's he going to sing?"

Harriet giggled. "Nobody knows, ma'am. He's been very secretive about it all week. Mikey called us and asked us to tell Tiner to sing a song by some guy called Skittles or something like that."

Bud corrected her gently, "You mean Eminem. Mikey thought it would be great if he sang _Without Me_."

Sturgis commented, "I'm hoping he goes with something classic, like Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra."

Everyone arrived before the show began, and the conversation naturally turned to what he was going to sing. AJ was pulling for him to sing either a Doors or Donovan song. Bud was hoping for something more techno, like Erasure. Only Jennifer remained quiet, a secretive smile on her lips. 

The show started, and Harriet shushed everyone. The adult singers were on in the second segment, so they had to endure watching the spokesmodel part of the competition. Finally, Arsenio Hall came out and introduced the adult singers.

"First, we have a young sailor from Washington, DC. Jason Tiner works in the Judge Advocate General Corps as well as attending law school. And ladies, keep your eye on him, he's a cutie!" The audience applauded and Jason jogged out on stage.

He was wearing a simple blue suit with a matching tie.

"I just want to say hello to my family and friends who are watching right now. This song is dedicated to a very special someone, who helped me figure out what to sing tonight. I hope you all like it too." The music swelled and he began singing:

_Unforgettable, that's what you are _

_Unforgettable, though near or far _

_Like a song of love that clings to me _

_How the thought of you does things to me _

_Never before has someone been more _

_Unforgettable in every way _

_And forever more, that's how you'll stay _

_That's why, darling, it's incredible _

_That someone so unforgettable _

_Thinks that I am unforgettable too _

_No, never before has someone has been more_

_Unforgettable in every way _

_And forever more, that's how you'll stay _

_That's why, darling, it's incredible _

_That someone so unforgettable _

_Thinks that I am unforgettable too_

The audience roared its approval as he finished the song. Arsenio introduced the next singer, but for the people watching at home, their attention was drawn to Jennifer Coates, who had turned bright red. Smiles spread across their faces as they realized to whom he had dedicated the song.

AJ clapped his hands to his head, and exclaimed. "Not another couple!" Then he smiled at Jennifer.


	9. The Hollywood Squares

The Hollywood Squares 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these folks. Wish I did, especially one Navy Commander. Hehehehe!

Summary: The final stop in the Game Show Network series. Everyone comes together for one last bit of fluff – the whole gang goes on _The Hollywood Squares_.

Spoilers: Not really any, except this assumes that A.J. and Meredith have made it to their wedding day.

Wednesday Morning JAG Headquarters 

"Tiner!" Jason heard the bellow from inside the Admiral's office. He pressed the intercom button.

"Sir?"

"Will you have Colonel MacKenzie and Commanders Turner and Rabb come to my office?" The Admiral sounded more than a little irritated.

"Right away, sir." He disconnected and went in search of the three officers. He found them in the kitchen.

"Ma'am … sirs?" He stood at the doorway. When he had their attention, he continued. "The Admiral would like to see you right away. And I mean right away, ma'am, sirs."

As they made their way to the Admiral's office, Tiner wondered what could have gotten their superior officer so annoyed so early. Whatever it was, he was glad he didn't have to be in there.

As they walked past Tiner's desk, Sturgis asked Harm, "What did you do this time?"

He replied, "Nothing that I know of. Besides, why does it always have to be me?"

Mac rolled her eyes at Harm. Sturgis laughed. "Unfortunately, Harm, you have acquired quite a reputation over the past several years.'

The trio entered the Admiral's office. Mac spoke for them. "You wanted to see us, sir?"

The Admiral sighed, but didn't reply. The officers shared a look among them, puzzled at his behavior. Finally, he spoke. "The SecNav has come up with a damn fool idea, and I can't figure out a way to get out of it."

Sturgis asked, "What does he want us to do, sir?"

"He has arranged for the staff to appear on _The Hollywood Squares_."

Harm started chuckling, then realized the Admiral wasn't joking. "When, sir?"

"Next week. We fly out Sunday evening. Our flight and hotel arrangements have already been made, courtesy of the SecNav's office." He leaned back in his chair. "And it gets better. He's including Meredith."

The Following Sunday Evening Dulles Airport, VA 

"Is everyone here?" Meredith was trying to count heads before they boarded the plane. "Let's see … A.J., Harm, Sarah, Sturgis, Bud, Harriet, Victor, Jason and Jennifer. That's everyone, I-" She was cut off by a familiar voice.

"What about me, Meredith?"

"Clayton! I didn't know you were coming." Everyone was surprised to see him.

"Apparently, Secretary Sheffield thought I should be part of the group, since we seem to work together so often," he said, with just a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Not that I mind being associated with you, but not so publicly."

"Well, you'll just have to make the best of the situation," the Admiral drawled. "I don't think any of us are thrilled about being here, but we do what we're ordered."

They began to get on the plane at that point. A.J. and Meredith were sitting together, of course, as well as Bud and Harriet. The remainder were distributed throughout the plane. After some finagling with the other passengers, they were seated in groups –Sturgis, Harm, Mac and Webb, and Gunny, Tiner and Coates.

The flight to California was uneventful, and the group got checked into their hotel without incident. Before going to their rooms, Meredith reminded everyone that they were meeting at 9:00 am for breakfast, and the cars that were taking them to the studio would arrive at 10:00,

"I would advise everyone get a good night's sleep," the Admiral said, "This is technically official Navy business, not a vacation." Next to him, Meredith groaned and rolled her eyes.

Tuesday Morning Television Studio, Burbank, California 

"Hello, how is everyone?" They were greeted by a studio intern, who escorted them to makeup, and explained the basic rules of the game.

"If you get picked, the host will ask you a question. You answer it as best you can, and then the contestant will decide whether to go with your answer or not. And one of you will get selected to be the 'Secret Square'. If the contestant picks you, they have a chance to win a special additional prize. Any questions?"

Harm spoke. "Yes. Have we been assigned to any particular squares yet?"

"Not that I know of." As soon as she stopped speaking, Harm dashed towards the studio. "I call center square," he yelled. When he got there, Webb was already seated.

"How did you get here so fast?" he demanded.

Webb's response was, "Classified."

"Well, I called it, so you'll just have to sit somewhere else."

Webb stood up and said, "I believe there's a saying – 'To the victor go the spoils.' I got here first, so you lose."

A.J. strode up to them. "Is there a problem, gentlemen?"

Harm started, "I called the center square, but Webb got here first and …" his voice trailed off as he realized how childish he sounded.

A.J. snorted. "There's a very simple solution."

Both Harm and Webb looked at the Admiral. "What is it?"

"I outrank both of you, so _I_ get the center square. Problem solved." He squeezed in behind Webb and sat down, a big smile on his face. "Now will you two move, so Meredith has somewhere to sit?" Harm looked at Webb sheepishly. "I guess I know when we've been outmaneuvered."

Everyone else filed into the studio. Bud and Harriet were sharing a square, as were A.J. and Meredith. To her surprise, Coates was told she was the Secret Square. The studio darkened and the theme music began.

The host, Tom Bergeron, walked onstage. "Good afternoon, everyone. Today we have some very special guests filling in our squares. The Judge Advocate of the Navy and his crack staff are 'manning the bridge'at H2." He turned to the contestants and introduced them as well, a woman named Mary Beth from Louisiana and a man, Cliff, from California. "Let's start the game."

Mary Beth picked Bud and Harriet. Tom read the question. "Johnny Cash wrote his hit song 'Folsom Prison Blues' about prison life. Has he actually ever served time?"

Harriet took the lead on answering the question. "I think so. Isn't that where he got the inspiration for 'A Boy Named Sue?'" Her eyes twinkled as she spoke. The audience roared with laughter at her response. 

Tom asked, "So do you think she has the right answer or not?"

"I'm going to disagree, Tom."

"All kidding aside, our friend Harriet had the right answer. Back in the 60s, Johnny Cash spent a night in jail, so technically, yes, he has served time." Their box was lit up with the opponent's mark, an "O". The turn reverted to the other contestant. He selected the bottom right square, occupied by Clayton Webb.

Tom read the question. "According to a sociology professor at the Fashion Institute of Technology, why do women like to wear men's clothing?"

Webb looked at Tom and said, "Do I look like a woman?"

The host was caught off-guard by his remark and replied, "Um, well, I guess try to put yourself into a woman's frame of mind."

Webb rolled his eyes at him. "Get inside a woman's mind? Now that's impossible." He paused a moment and then continued, "I guess I'll say because they're more comfortable."

Cliff chose to agree with Webb. Much to his surprise, he had guessed the right answer.

The game continued, until AJ and Meredith were selected.

Now this is for Mary Beth to win," Tom announced. The question was "First he was known as Prince, then he was known as a symbol, then he was 'the artist formerly known as Prince.' What's he known as now?"

AJ and Meredith looked at each other. He said with a deadpan expression, "The artist who formerly sells albums."

The audience went wild. Even the host had a hard time controlling his laughter. He turned to the contestant and said, "What do you think?"

"I disagree, Tom. I think he's gone back to using Prince as his name."

"Good job, and you've won the game!" He went on to describe the prizes for both contestants, and then thanked the panelists again as the show ended.

"The artist who formerly sells albums," he chuckled. "I'll have to remember that one."

After they were done taping, AJ turned to his staff and told them, "Well, we got through that fairly unscathed." He sighed with relief. "Dinner's on me!"


End file.
